Humour

Howde Peeps,

This week we have found one of her posts from January 2016. It made us laugh and so we hope it makes you laugh and brightens your day. if all else fails think of Captain Sir Tom and his outlook on life, "tomorrow will be a good day". Stay positive, friends. Love Sofia and Donald xxxx

Hello Everyone!

Congratulations! We've all made it through to January 22nd!

I hope my tongue twisters of last week helped you chuckle through the last few days. This week I am going to give you some humorous jokes and quotations to keep you smiling...

1. A man asked a friend how his wife was before remembering that she had died. So he  added, "Still in the same cemetery?"

2. First girl, "My elder sister gives me the creeps."

    Second girl, "Why?"

    Reply, "She passes on all her ex-boyfriends."

3. At school dinner the teacher said, "Let us all stand for grace."

    Wise pupil replied, "Okay, where is she?"

4. A passenger on board a cruise liner, in the middle of the Atlantic, while crossing from Southampton to New York went into the shop and asked for some hairspray.

   "I'm very sorry Madam but we have run out of that particular brand."

   "Oh, will you have some in tomorrow?"

5. An English man wanted to emigrate to Australia. 

   The Australian Immigration Officer asked if he had a criminal record.

   He replied, "I didn't know you still needed one."

   His application was rejected!

6. "It was a woman who drove me to drink and I didn't have the courtesy to thank her." attributed to W.C. Fields.

7. A rather anxious passenger on board a plane asked a member of the crew, "How often do these planes  crash?"

    "Only once." He replied.

8. "It's not the men in my life that count but the life in my men." Mae West.

9. Women have their faults. Men have only two. Everything they say and do.! Anonymous.

10. Girl, "Mother, I think I'm pregnant."

      Mother, "Are you sure it's yours?" Anonymous.

11. "I don't believe in the afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear." Woody Allen.

12. "It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens." Woody Allen.

13. "I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks." Joe E Lewis.

14. A man called a hotel and asked for the price of a room. The receptionist replied that it depended on the  type of accommodation and number of people.

      "Do you take children?"

      "No, just credit cards and cash."

15. "My parents are the epitome of abstinence." The boy told his friends. " They do not smoke or drink and   my sister and I are both adopted."

     Okay folks, that's fifteen howlers to keep you chuckling. If you think others would laugh at a joke of yours feel free to add it in the reply/comment section. Let's all keep each other smiling through to February.

Lady M

Stimulating September - WHO? It's quiz time!

Hello Everyone,

I hope you have all had a most enjoyable week. Maybe you learned something from last week's quiz - the answers are now available.

Now for this week's quiz:

1. Who in ancient Greece made a great discovery while taking a bath?
Archimedes


2.  Who 'tilted at windmills'?
Don Quixote


3.  Who crowns the Sovereign of Great Britain?
The Archbishop of Canterbury


4.  Who introduced the 'penny post' in Britain?
Sir Rowland Hill


5.  Who invented the first astronomical telescope?
Galileo

6.  Who first flew over the North Pole?
Commander Byrd


7.  Who are the patron saints of a)Russia  b) Italy?
a) St Nicholas   b)St Anthony


8.  Who founded the Jesuits?
Ignatius Loyola 

9.  Who was the last Viceroy of India?
Earl Mountbatten of Burma


10. Who is regarded as the greatest of Chinese philosopher's?
Confucius 


11.  WHO stands for what?
World Health Organisation


12.  Who gave us Love Me Tender  and Wooden Heart?
Elvis Presley


13.  Who would be a true cockney?
A person born within the sound of the bells of St Mary Le Bow Church, Cheapside, London. UK


14.  Who painted the Mona Lisa?
Leonardo Da Vinci


15.  Who was the sixteenth century German engraver famous for Praying Hands?
Albrecht Durer


16.  Who lives at 10, Downing Street, London?
The Prime Minister of England


17.  Who was the English outlaw, who robbed the rich to pay the poor?
Robin Hood


18.  Who in the thirteenth century invented gunpowder and spectacles?
Roger Bacon


19.  Who, in 1927, made the first solo non-stop Atlantic flight?
Charles Lindberg


20.  Who wrote Time & Tide, No Regrets, Stay in Touch, Look After Each Other, Sofia's Legacy? and Love You Forever.
Marilyn L Rice !!!!

Answers next week.

Lady M! (The smart arse who knows all the answers)

Stimulating September... THE BOOKWORM! it's quiz time again

Hello Everyone,

It's quiz time!

1. Who has a secret diary and is in love with Pandora?
Adrian Mole

2. What is the title of Peter Ustinov's autobiography?
'Dear Me'

3. In which book did Toad of Toad Hall first appear?
'The Wind in the Willows'


4.Which of F.Scott Fitzgerald's novels begins, In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice.?
'The Great Gatsby'


6. By what name is Samuel Langhorne Clemens better known?
Mark Twain


7.The setting for Thomas Hardy's novels is the West Country of England. What is his name for this region?
Wessex


8.Which book by Paul Gallico is a story of Dunkirk?
'The Snow Goose'


9.Which author wrote about Tilly Trotter?
Catherine Cookson


10. Which Shakespearean play begins with a storm and a shipwreck?
'The Tempest'


11. Where were the following authors born a) D H Lawrence  b) Charles Dickens  c)Thomas Hardy?
a)Eastwood, Nottingham  b)Landport, Portsmouth  c)Nr. Dorchester


12. What is the title of the American novel by Steinbeck about the migrants heading for the Golden West of California?
'The Grapes of Wrath'


13. In which books do the following characters appear
a)Eustacia Vye   b)Dorothea Brooke,   c)Catherine Barkley?
a) 'The Return of the Native'  b)'Middlemarch'   c)'A Farewell to Arms'

14. Who was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature in  a)1954  b)1962?
a)Ernest Hemingway   b) John Steinbeck


15. In which book do Rhett Butler and Scarlet O'Hara appear?
'Gone with the Wind'


16. What theme did both Christopher Marlowe and Goethe use for a play?
The Faust Legend


17. In which novel are the March sisters first introduced?
'Little Women'


18. Which 17th Century work was written in Bedford jail?
'The Pilgrim's Progress'

19. Who wrote Brave New World?
Aldous Huxley


20. In which century was Beowulf  written?
Eighth Century

Answers next week. Have a great week folks and if you have time on your hands, do not waste it... read a book.

Love y'all!

Lady M xxxx

It's quiz time 3... The Proverbial

                                                           

Just a pretty pic. Sunset over Paphos.

Hello Everyone,

May is going to be a quiz month. How are you on proverbs? No cheating. Answers, as usual, next week.


1. Look before... you leap.

2. What's worth doing...is worth doing well.

3. More haste...less speed.

4. Every thing comes... to him who waits.

5. If at first you don't...succeed try, try again.

6. A stitch in time...saves nine.

7. Many hands make...light work.

8. Too many cooks...spoil the broth.

9. A rolling stone...gathers no moss.

10. A bird in the hand...is worth two in the bush.

11. All that glitters...is not gold.

12. Two heads are...better than one.

13. Absence makes...the heart grow fonder.

14. An apple a day...keeps the doctor away.

15. In for a penny...in for a pound.

16. A new broom...sweeps clean.

17. There's no smoke...without fire.

18. Empty vessels...make the most sound.

19. Where there's a will...there's a way.

20. Still waters...run deep.

Life is like a carousel... go round and round until you are dizzy!

Love you all,

Lady M xxxx

Stimulating September 4

Hello Everyone,



I hope you've enjoyed the quizzes during September. This will be the last one as October is looming on the horizon . . .



1. Who wrote 'War and Peace'?
LEO TOLSTOY

2. What is the capital of Egypt?
CAIRO

3. What is the currency in Egypt?
EGYPTIAN POUND (E£)

4. Which is the shortest month in the year?
FEBRUARY

5. What is a baby lion called?
CUB

6. In which winter sport is a broom part of the equipment?
CURLING

7. Who was the idol of the Indian masses shot by a fanatic in 1948?
MAHATMA GANDHI

8. To whom do the Falkland Islands belong?
GT. BRITAIN

9.In Germany which places are famous for a)perfume, b)china, c)pottery?
A)COLOGNE B)DRESDEN C)MEISSEN

10. In which book does Louisa M Alcott introduce the four March sisters for the first time?
LITTLE WOMEN

11. Who painted The Hay Wain?
CONSTABLE

12. Who was assassinated on the Ides of March, 44 BC?
JULIUS CAESAR

13. Who is the patron saint of carpenters?
ST. JOSEPH

14. Which TWO planets are nearest the sun?
MERCURY & VENUS

15. Which acid is present in vinegar?
ACETIC ACID

16. If I were a philatelist, what would I be collecting?
STAMPS

17. What is the Roman numeral for 1,000?
M

18. Which famous Quaker in 1671 founded one of the American States?
WILLIAM PENN

19. If I were taking a boat ride on the River Seine, which city would I be visiting?
PARIS

20. In No Regrets what was Joanna's occupation?
TEACHER

Thought for the week: Each Day Brings New Opportunities!