Friday, 19 September 2014


Howde Folks,
Yes, Sofia still here. Lady M is excited waiting for news on her next book about us. She now knows that we are going to cost $18 and we weigh in at 305 pages, 6" x 9". She is thinking about her next launch and the events coming up.

On Sunday 5th October she will be exhibiting her books at the NOT THE HAY BOOK FESTIVAL, Bartons plc, 61, High Rd., Chilwell, Nottingham NG9 4AJ. It's free admission and open 10:00-4:00. There's entertainment and a variety of stalls. She was there last year and that's where she took the pretty pic above. If you're in the area on that date pop in.

Then, later in October she will be at the Wellington Literature Festival in Shropshire on 18th and on Saturday, 25th at the NWUK annual festival in West Bridgford, Nottingham. More about those later.

We hope you enjoyed reading about us enjoying ourselves in New York last week.

This week we're going to share one of our experiences in our Alphabet Sex game with you and next week we'll tell you how we helped someone take that step into the next room.


“It’s Canadian French. Quebec is French speaking. Rue is ‘street.’ We are standing on St Paul’s Street. Let’s stroll and see the sights.”

 “Okay, lead on, my lady. Your lord will follow you.”

 “This way, I think. It goes to the port.”

 “How do you know?”

 “Instinct, map, and guide!” She produced a map and a tourist guide.

 They strolled down the road to the port and then wandered round the streets before Donald asked the question, “Where?”

 “Château Frontenac. It’s Quebec City’s most celebrated landmark. Look. It has to be that chateau.”

 They both stared at the magnificent, imposing green-turreted castle with its slanting copper roof. It towered over Quebec City and could be seen from all directions.

 “Okay, inside or outside?”

 “It’s a hotel now, so inside. Let’s have a look round and select a room . . . one to die for.”

 “But will it beat our favourite haven in the Manhattan skies?”

 “Doubt it. I think I’d like one overlooking the St Lawrence River, though. What souvenir shall we take back with us?”

 “What’s Canadian?”

 “Maple leaf.”

 “Look, Sofia.” Donald had noticed some coasters in a souvenir shop with a maple leaf design on them.

 “Perfect. Let’s get them. You pick one up and I’ll sort the till.”

 They left the shop clutching their trophy.

 “We’re a great team, Lady S. On to the next stage?”

 “Definitely, my lord. Oh, wait. Look. Let’s get a T-shirt each with the maple leaf design on it as well.”


 “Yes, and we could take presents for Billy and Jack.”

 “Okay. Let’s hurry up, though. I’m getting anxious.”

 “You can’t. We’re dead.”

 “You know what I mean. I’m anxious to ravish you, my lady.” He put his arms round her waist and kissed her neck. “I can’t wait.”

 “Down, boy.” She laughed as she led him into another shop. They made their purchases and sped off to the hotel, both wearing their newly acquired T-shirts. In reception they looked around. “This is palatial. It’s so elegant, like we’re in a time warp. I love the oak panels—so olde worlde. Comes a close second to New York.”

 “Yep, I agree, my lady. Let’s check out the rooms.” He was planning it all. First they’d have a luxury bubble bath and drink champagne and then he would ravish her, so they needed a room with a large bathtub and a king-size bed. The great thing about America and Canada is that everything is big and spacious.

 “Okay, my lord and master, you may choose the room and position. After all, Quebec was your choice.”

 “But you picked this place.”

 “I’ve got good taste. It’s got eighteen floors. We want the top-floor room with a view and hopefully some interesting paying guests to haunt.”

 “Lady S, no!”

 “Yes. Don’t spoil my fun.” She raced ahead of him to the elevator. “Come on. Top floor.”

 They found a room they liked overlooking the river with a king-size bed in it.

 “This’ll do, my lord. Let’s see who we’re sharing with.” She wandered round picking up items of clothing and looking at the luggage. Donald found two passports in the drawer by the bed.

 “Don’t they have safes in this place, or are these people just silly? They’re Americans. Elderly. Joseph and Phyllis Lincoln.”

 “Well, she likes french fries and burgers, looking at the size of these clothes. They’re twice the size of Miranda’s caftans. In fact, Miranda would be lost in them. And they’re cheap.”

 “Never mind. Come on. Let’s hit the bath.” Donald was becoming impatient; he took her arm and pulled her into the bathroom.

 “Wow, but it’s not as big as the Manhattan one.”

 “No, Lady S, but we can still have fun.” He turned on the taps, found the complimentary toiletries, and poured them all in, ensuring loads of bubbles. He returned to the bedroom, found the champagne in the minibar, collected the flutes, and went back to the bath. They waited until the bath was more than half full and then tore off their clothes in haste and simultaneously jumped into the water, causing it to splash all over the floor. The taps were still running, and they splashed each other. Donald picked up the bottle of champagne from the floor before it could drift away in the water; he popped the cork and poured the wine into the two glasses. They had a glass each and linked arms as they drank. The taps were still full on, and there seemed to be more water on the floor than in the bath, but neither of them cared. This was what death was all about. Fun.

 “Let’s have some toasts.”

 “Okay, Donald.” They raised their glasses and simultaneously said midst laughter, “Cheers.” Their glasses clinked together.

 À votre santé.”

 “Oh, French, Lady S. How about yamas?” They clinked the glasses again. “Avanti, fifty forty-two!”

 “Oh, Donald, we’ll never forget that room or Cyprus.” She picked up some soap bubbles and blew them in his face midst laughter. “Mazeltov.”

 Mazeltov? Where did that come from, Sofia?”

 “Jewish. Yiddish. Hebrew. Good luck. Cheers. Congratulations. It just came to me.”

 “Okay, together then.” They clinked the glasses and said simultaneously, “Mazeltov.”

 “To fun, Sofia.”

 “To fun.”

 “To death.”

 “To death.”

 “Champagne-filled days.”

 “Champagne-filled days. Je t’aime.”

“French again?”

 “This is a French-speaking place, and French is supposed to be a romantic language. France is a place of romance and amour. Love.”

 “To amour.”

 Amour.” Those flutes just kept clinking away.

 “Love you forever.”

 “Love you forever.”



 “Yes, please.” He took her glass and threw both of them at the wall, knowing they would fall without shattering. This was fun, and at last they were going to have sex, first in the bath and then on that beautiful king-size bed. Just how lucky could a man get? Death really was wonderful. He put his arm across to pull her closer to him.

 “That’s enough. You two are impossible. I’ve been calling you.”

 “Dad.” Sofia couldn’t believe that her father had walked into the bathroom and seen them both naked in the bath.

 “Scott,” Donald uttered. “What’re you doing here?”

 “I’ve come to collect you. Someone’s arrived who wants to see you.”

 “But we can’t leave. We haven’t had sex yet.”

 “And I haven’t had the chance to haunt the people staying in the room. We haven’t finished our game. We can’t leave.”

 “You can come back later.”

 “But it won’t be the same.”

 “No, it won’t. We have to stay and finish the game.” Donald had no intentions of leaving before he had made love to her in the bath and on the king-size bed.

 “Well, you’ll have an excuse to go somewhere else beginning with Q. That place in Algeria.”

 He passed them towels and instructed them to get dressed. Suddenly they both felt like naughty schoolchildren who had been caught in the act and automatically did as they were told.

 “Who wants to see us? I’m sure it can wait.”

 “Wants to see you, Donald.”

 “So, I can stay and haunt?”

 “No, Sweet Pea, you’re coming home, now.”

 “Dad, I’m not sixteen!”

 “No, you’re dead, but you’re residing under my roof again.”

 “Who is it, Scott?”

 “Wait and see.”
“I said, wait and see.”

 “Can’t we take the plane back?”

 “No, Donald. No chance of the mile-high club today.”

 Reluctantly, they got out of the bath and wrapped themselves in the towels before dressing. The water disappeared; there was no evidence to suggest that they had been there.
Until next week, enjoy every moment.
Love Sofia (and Donald)


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