Humour

Howde Peeps,

This week we have found one of her posts from January 2016. It made us laugh and so we hope it makes you laugh and brightens your day. if all else fails think of Captain Sir Tom and his outlook on life, "tomorrow will be a good day". Stay positive, friends. Love Sofia and Donald xxxx

Hello Everyone!

Congratulations! We've all made it through to January 22nd!

I hope my tongue twisters of last week helped you chuckle through the last few days. This week I am going to give you some humorous jokes and quotations to keep you smiling...

1. A man asked a friend how his wife was before remembering that she had died. So he  added, "Still in the same cemetery?"

2. First girl, "My elder sister gives me the creeps."

    Second girl, "Why?"

    Reply, "She passes on all her ex-boyfriends."

3. At school dinner the teacher said, "Let us all stand for grace."

    Wise pupil replied, "Okay, where is she?"

4. A passenger on board a cruise liner, in the middle of the Atlantic, while crossing from Southampton to New York went into the shop and asked for some hairspray.

   "I'm very sorry Madam but we have run out of that particular brand."

   "Oh, will you have some in tomorrow?"

5. An English man wanted to emigrate to Australia. 

   The Australian Immigration Officer asked if he had a criminal record.

   He replied, "I didn't know you still needed one."

   His application was rejected!

6. "It was a woman who drove me to drink and I didn't have the courtesy to thank her." attributed to W.C. Fields.

7. A rather anxious passenger on board a plane asked a member of the crew, "How often do these planes  crash?"

    "Only once." He replied.

8. "It's not the men in my life that count but the life in my men." Mae West.

9. Women have their faults. Men have only two. Everything they say and do.! Anonymous.

10. Girl, "Mother, I think I'm pregnant."

      Mother, "Are you sure it's yours?" Anonymous.

11. "I don't believe in the afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear." Woody Allen.

12. "It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens." Woody Allen.

13. "I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks." Joe E Lewis.

14. A man called a hotel and asked for the price of a room. The receptionist replied that it depended on the  type of accommodation and number of people.

      "Do you take children?"

      "No, just credit cards and cash."

15. "My parents are the epitome of abstinence." The boy told his friends. " They do not smoke or drink and   my sister and I are both adopted."

     Okay folks, that's fifteen howlers to keep you chuckling. If you think others would laugh at a joke of yours feel free to add it in the reply/comment section. Let's all keep each other smiling through to February.

Lady M

Lockdown 6

I burn a candle in memory of those who lost their Covid19 battle

Hello Everyone,

This global pandemic continues and many have lost their lives. Others are mourning and I burn a candle for all of those who are now a number in the death statistics. In my research I discovered that the great Spanish Flu pandemic a century go lasted for two years from 1918-1920. In more recent years we have survived the Asian, Hong Kong and Bird flu pandemics. A century ago the population was 500,000,000 and 50,000,000 lost their lives. I think we all have to stay positive and hope that we don't have to endure this pandemic for so long or have so many fatalities. I'm going to share my logs from last weekend with you. Stay strong and safe, my friends.

Day 33, Saturday, Weekend time

Afternoon Peeps,

Yes I’m still here. It’s another glorious day in lockdown and I’ve spent the morning watching Love Never Dies. The sequel to Phantom of the Opera. No, I didn’t know there was a sequel either. This one was filmed at The Regent Theatre in Melbourne which explains why I didn’t recognise any of the names. It was electric and dynamic with a dramatic finale.

Yesterday, what did I do? Made the phone call to someone I met on hols in Blackpool almost five years. Although we agreed it only seemed like five minutes. That’s age for you. Relaxed. Played. Had roast chicken and jacket potato for dinner. Watched Corrie and Emmerdale followed by a repeat of an episode of  Vera. Guess, it was just another Groundhog Day.

So, on to today. It will be pretty much the same. Gonna be brave and look at the figures. Covid19 is in 210 countries. Most borders and airports are closed apart from repatriation flights. There are still thousands of people all around the world who are desperate to get home but alas were in the wrong place when lockdown arrived. Yesterday, at the update, we were told that at last all those who were on cruises and refused entry to foreign shores when the virus became apparent are now back home in the UK. As for other countries, I don’t know if there are other floating vessels in isolation off foreign shores. What a nightmare it must have been. Anchored off shores and confined to a cabin. Is this the end for cruises?

 2,846,000 cases. 197,000 deaths globally. All those mourning families. They never got to say goodbye. The departed one left this world alone. Even deserted at the funeral. Such sad times. Many young lives wasted. USA is getting close to the million mark. 30% of all cases are in America. Will Trump be re-elected after this? Surely not. The UK? 143,000 cases. Still sixth in the league table but getting closer to Germany’s figure of 155,000. They told us yesterday that we are at the peak as the number of daily deaths is decreasing. With this glorious weather will this trend continue or are idiots going to congregate and cause a second wave of this unpredictable virus?

It’s 2.00pm and I’m off to potter through another day. Have fun folks. Make the most of it. Before I go, I would like to share a line with you. It was written by Sofia Haslington in a letter she left for her best friend and sister-in-law before her death in the novel Look After Each Other written by yours truly! Look forward with hope but back with gratitude! Or if you’re feeling morose and sorry for yourself today because you should be on holiday, getting married or at some other event that’s been cancelled I’d like to share another common phrase which my Father frequently used, “there’s always someone worse off than yourself”. If you’re not on a ventilator fighting for your life, then there is!


Hello, I am upstairs now I'm trying to dictate on my PC. Just discovered the microphone is not switched on. I’m fiddling around now and hey it’s working I'm so surprised I just managed to turn the microphone on. Gosh I'm feeling so pleased with myself. Here goes. I wonder how you put a full stop on here. Hey, it worked What I wanted to say is that I have been observing while I've been up here. I have notice cyclists are still riding around normally. I looked out of my back window because I heard a familiar noise. One of my neighbours is getting his motorbike out; he's going to visit his elderly mother making sure she's okay. I have observed another neighbour outside playing a ball game with his daughter. That’s   brought back memories. We all know how good I am with memories. In fact, I think I spend more time in the past than I do in the present or maybe it's because I fear the future.

 I'm now thinking back to those glorious days in the 60s again. The summers, as we know, we're always hotter than they are today and life was better even though it didn't seem it at the time. I remember spending hours and hours alone in solitude with a ball. I would throw it against the wall and catch it successfully. I was lucky to have brilliant coordination. I seldom dropped it I could turn around and then catch it again. I could throw it under my legs turn around and still catch it or round my back and still catch it. I never got bored with ball games or a skipping rope. On looking back I think I was really lucky because we moved to Ashford Hall in 1960 where I had the luxury of a hundred acre estate to stroll around in. My favourite place in those days was the boathouse. First, it was just taking the dog for a walk. I thoroughly enjoyed the solitude of that boathouse on the River Wye and on the estate. It was only a ten-minute walk from the house through a small wooded area. It was peaceful and serene. Sometimes the peace would be disturbed by the sound of a tractor in distance. I knew it was my father at work and that was comforting. From the mid-60s onwards as my GCSE approached I would go down to that boathouse complete with books and revise without a care in the world. The joy of youth which was not appreciated at the time.

Hey, back to the present. I am further baffled while looking out I'm notice a neighbour has painted his back brick wall white. I'm wondering why. Was it just to ease boredom? It looks peculiar. Also outside the beautiful aroma of charcoal from another neighbour’s garden, smells like the family are about to have a barbecue. Why not? My nostrils will enjoy it.

That was fun using the microphone as opposed to fingers. It’s taken me longer to go through, check it and correct it than if I’d used my fingers on the keyboard.

4.30.watching/listening to the update. Shock horror or is it? UK deaths have passed the 20,000 mark and it’s expected to be 30,000 by the end of May. We are one of only five countries to reach that number and our nation is grieving with the families of those who have lost their loved ones. Pessimistic. Were we right originally when we were asking to go into lockdown earlier while Boris said that the time was not right according to science. Looking at other countries with considerable lower death figures, they went into lockdown much earlier. There’s a warning with regard to other ailments; if peeps are suffering symptoms of heart attacks, strokes, cancer or have a sick child or pregnant they should seek medical aid and visit hospitals. There’s also a rumour that it may take up to five years to clear the backlog of delayed routine operations due to Covid19. There’s a kinda nondescripts answer to that.

How’s Captain Tom doing today? Only five days until his one hundredth birthday. He’s been given a pride of Britain award. Raised around £29,000,000. 70,000 cards! Wow! Optimism after the update and that’s what we all need.

Right, time to make that phone call.




Day 34, Sunday.

Watching Songs of Praise. It’s Sunday and 1.15. No, I’ve not just got out of bed. I was downstairs, dressed if not washed at 10.15 waiting for the morning service. Now, after two hymn singing sessions I’m feeling uplifted and ready to face another week of lockdown.

What else have I done? Last night I had another of those Italian meals purchased on Wednesday with wine and followed by ice cream and chocolate. Watched Britain’s got Talent. Wondering if they’ll be able to do the life shows next month or not. Then had a nice relaxing bubble bath before going to bed.

I’ve always been a night owl and never been able to face the morning. I think morning peeps should suffer some penance for annoying the rest of us as we slumber on. But like most peeps, I guess, in these unprecedented times I’m finding it easier to stay up and harder to force myself to face another Groundhog Day. It’s nice to know I’m in good company on that one.

So far, today, between services I’ve strained myself to do some ironing and another wash load. To be more precise, a winter blanket is now going round and round in my new washing machine. It’s that time of year when the sun shines, the weather is better, and we all go mad with washing.

The beautiful bluebells are arriving in my garden and the trees are in full leaf. A sign that nature continues whatever. I see the green leaves of other plants slowly emerging forth; soon I will have blue and pink geraniums, lovely white daisies and hydrangeas to admire. I am thankful for small mercies.

Will move on to washing up, working and pottering. Be happy. Think positive. If you’re not on a ventilator count your blessings.

Okay peeps, I’m back. It’s 7.30 pm and we are half way through a family programme of The Chaser. This afternoon the sun kinda disappeared but it’s still warm although the weather forecast says that we are to expect changeable, cooler conditions this week. Not good but we must keep smiling, mustn’t we? I’ve completed the washing up, have a blanket drying now, updated my diary, worked and made a surprise phone call. I pointed out to the recipient that it was not her day but I thought I would phone her anyway. She was a little cheesed off because she had made her Christmas cake but alas had no greaseproof paper and therefore could not bake it until tomorrow. Yes, Christmas cake, you read it correctly. It is always good to bake a fruit cake early giving it time to mature before required. Guess it’s like wine. However, that comment sent me down memory lane. You must be getting used to this by now.

In 1964 I made my first Christmas cake in Domestic Science at school. (Whoops, I digress. It’s raining now.) Anyway, back to that cake. I remember spending my pocket money on the decorations. I purchased a little signpost, robin and two others which I can’t remember from a place call Bloomers in Bakewell and the total cost was about 1s or one shilling in old money. Today one shilling is 5p! Also, that shop is still going. I’m sure four cake decorations would cost more than 5p today.

I’ve had dinner pork schnitzel, jacket potato and salad followed by banana and ice cream. Still drinking the wine. Going to make my listed phone call for today in a few minutes. Then, I shall have more wine with chocolate while watching Killing Eve, series 3.

Well, there goes another a Groundhog Day. Captain Tom is one nearer is 100 mark and I’ve decided to leave my cards up and share them with him on Thursday. So, until tomorrow sleep well. Goodnight.

All my love and prayers are for you all. Stay safe and well. Try and smile through this disaster. Smiles are contagious and make you feel better.

Lady M xxxx

My Easter gift to you!

Hello Everyone,

Today is Good Friday in the Christian Religion. It is the day when Christians remember how Jesus died on the Cross outside the Jerusalem City Wall. 

On Sunday the church  will celebrate the Resurrection of Christ. That first Sunday morning, when the women went to the tomb where Jesus had been hastily lain only to find the stone removed and the body missing, is celebrated. The women were anxious to anoint the body, in accordance with Jewish tradition, at the earliest opportunity. Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and other women arrived at the tomb, expecting to find it secured by a stone. Imagine their surprise, the stone rolled away and the tomb empty. Inside, a young man, wearing a white robe, spoke to them, "Do not be amazed; you seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He has risen, he is not here; see the place where they laid him. But go tell his disciples and Peter, that he is going before you to Galilee; there you will see him as he told you."
(Mark ,Chapter16, vs 6 & 7.)

Christians remember that first Sunday morning and rejoice. It is proof, that there is an eternal, afterlife or new life. Chickens, eggs, rabbits are all symbolic of new life and new hope. However, you spend this Eastertide, have a very HAPPY EASTER!

                                                       ********************

I have a little Easter gift for you. From today until Tuesday both of my eBooks are on free download from Kindle. Just pop along to Amazon Kindle and put either my name or the book title in the browser and hey I will pop up and you will be able to download either or both free of charge. You do not need to have a Kindle tablet. This modern technology enables you to download to tablets or pc's. How it works is a mystery to me!

WRITE IT! PUBLISH IT! MARKET IT!  was published in 2016 as an aide to all those who wanted to bravely hike into the publishing world...

The Blurb

"How do you publish a book? This author first self-published fifteen years ago in a different publishing climate. But, that question is one I have been asked on numerous occasions. Originally, I produced a small booklet, "Write It! Publish It! Market It!" with advice and information for going through the process from writing to marketing: what to write, copyright, editing, proof reading, typesetting/text blocking, jacket, ISBN, blurb, page numbers, pricing, printing, promoting, libraries, shops, networking, marketing. I had discovered that it was a long and complicated process with many pitfalls. Print on demand (P o D) made it easier for authors to become publishers because it was possible to have small print runs. Then the e-book arrived, a new concept in publishing. I have updated my original booklet, including appropriate websites and adding my self-publishing story plus a chapter from one of my six books. This publication may be used as guidance for aspiring authors. Good luck to all of you who enter the publishing arena with your own work."

  

Well, writing a book begins with sitting down and writing that first sentence! Procrastination is not an option!

Life is... was published in June 2017 as a result of postings on Facebook! I think that answers a popular question of where do authors get their inspiration from!

The Blurb

"I like most people on the planet, have become a great fan of social media and in particular, Facebook. During the last six months I have been posting daily. Firstly, it was 'Words of Wisdom' and then I moved on to 'Life is…' Some of my thoughts were philosophical, others humorous. Sometimes I added photographs and emojis or I dedicated certain sayings to individual people. On a couple of occasions I even added a short story telling the inspiration behind the quotation, for example…'Life is about turning left instead of right and having an adventure!'
I noticed that I was getting a lot of those 'like' clicks and friends seemed to be enjoying my humble daily offering. I had an idea… put all of my posts into a short book and publish them. I have placed one of the 'Words of Wisdom' on each page and the' Life is…' quotations follow with some illustrations, either photographs from my albums or downloads from the Net under creative commons licence. All the acknowledgements may be found at the end of the booklet after information on my books. I hope that those of you who download this will delve into it on the dark days and find that it puts the smile back on your face.
How would I describe it? Humorous, philosophical, satirical, stimulating, inspirational, illuminating, intriguing, thought-provoking, fresh, invigorating and delightful. Enjoy!"

Lady M xxxxx

                                             

He wants to read my books!

Sofia's selection 2

       

 



Howde Folks,

 

Yes, I'm still here with Donald. She has no intentions of working before 2015. She has left clear instructions. Her latest book must appear on all blogs alongside her 'award'.

Anyway, to move on. We know SHE does not like wasting time! Our second choice is from February of this year when she took part in a blog chain and revealed much about her writing. So ... Enjoy!                                                          

Today I’m pleased to be taking part in a blog chain. 

A blog chain is simply a blog post written on a set topic, at the end of which you nominate a given number of bloggers to do the same. So we have a linked  set of blogs popping up at intervals covering the same topic. The blog chain is bit different from the blog hop, during which a number of bloggers post simultaneously on the same topic, including links to each other’s posts. 

Receiving the baton:

Passing the baton to me is the author Richard Denning.  Richard is a fellow member of the New Writers UK and a friend.  He is a fascinating, inspirational  person who I feel privileged to have met.  He appears to hold the secret to working 36 hour days. I once asked him when he managed to sleep. His reply...'What is this thing called sleep?' What a sense of humour! Besides his demanding day job he has two hobbies: games and writing. He organizes the annual UK Games Expo for fellow games enthusiasts where 4,000 attendees and over 100 exhibitors congregate to have fun. If you care to meet a Dalek, Dr.Who or see the Tardis plus loads of 'characters' , play board games and recapture your long lost youth, visit the Expo. He has also created games and written several books. More about Richard at

http://news.richarddenning.co.uk/?p=273881

Now for my questions and answers:

1.What am I working on?

 I began writing in the 1980's when it was a completely different ball game. In fact, my first work was written with an old fashioned implement called a pencil, in longhand, and then typed up on one of those museum items, a typewriter. Word processors and computers were in their infancy. It was an era when you sent a complete manuscript with page numbers to a publisher or agent who would at least look at it before offering some kind of constructive criticism as to why they were rejecting it. Self-publishing was expensive and beyond the means of the average person and so one continued sending out to mainstream publishers and collecting rejection slips until one had enough to paper the walls. There was always hope that ONE publisher would recognize one's genius potential and then THEY would publish and MARKET the book while one continued doing what one loved, namely writing, and watching the Royalties arrive before the tax man took his share.

New modern technology has changed all of that. Manuscripts are written in WORD and backed up on disc as opposed to paper and carbon copies. Print on demand has meant that anyone and everyone it seems can now write and publish a book. So, not only do you write it, you publish it and you MARKET it. The mainstream publishing houses are, like so may other companies in all spheres, fighting for survival. They are doing less for their authors, so even if you succeed in making a publishing house realize your genius potential and they publish your work you are still left doing the most difficult part, marketing. That is what I am spending a lot of my time on at the moment. I have just sent the information about my last two books, on-line naturally, to the remaining independent book shops in the UK and I'm also notifying reading circles of their existence and I'm advertising them where ever I can.

The project which I will be picking up in a few weeks time is the final work of my 'Sofia' trilogy, Love You Forever. I had planned to have it completed last year but I've had a lot of distractions. I have the last two chapters to complete and I intend finishing it this spring so that it can be edited and available by the end of 2014. Yes, I will do it!

(She did didn't she? When Lady M is determined...)

2. How does my work differ from others of it's genre?

I consider myself to be a unique individual. I have five published books and they are all different. I do not stay with a specific genre, neither do I have a set format. Many authors have the amazing ability to use the same format with every novel but some how manage to make it seem new, different and exciting. Alas, I do not have that talent. 

My first book, Time & Tide stands alone as it is a Saga/History. It was designed for the Millennium. I created a family of three generations spanning over a fifty year period, 1950-2000. One of my characters kept a diary of historical/social events throughout the period. Thus, a historical novel with a difference or a piece of contemporary fiction. Take your pick!

My second work, No Regrets can best be described as 'Chick Lit' before 'Chick Lit was invented.

My third work, Stay in Touch is completely different from the first two and is described as black comedy.

Just what can drive a woman to murder? Or even three murders? Men. How can she become a serial killer, undetected and rich on the proceeds of her crimes? It all seems too simple for Christabelle after failed marriages to a homosexual and a bigamist. She confides only so much to her best friend as they recall their youthful wishes and dreams.... (taken from the blurb) It could fit into crime or romance or women's fiction or contemporary.

Then I have my 'Sofia' trilogy. This began with three interwoven ideas. An unforgettable holiday encounter plus my strong relationship with my Father and my own experiences of the afterlife. Yes, I am convinced that it does exist from personal experiences over the last years. It began with one book. I wasn't even sure if I had enough material for a book but after Look After Each Other I realized there were unanswered questions hence a sequel. Then, somewhere along the line, it became a trilogy. Genre? Contemporary fiction or mind/body/spirit. These books are written in two different universes and shows how one can help or hinder events in the other but cannot directly change them.

           Genre? They haven't invented one for my writing apart from general humour!



3.Why do I write what I do?

 
I've no idea. It feels innate. A more usual question is where does the inspiration come from? Anywhere and everywhere; people, incidents and events.  I love the creativity of writing. As a child I was always happy if I had paper and pencil or a book. It just feels as if I should be writing; as if I've always known it was what I was put on this earth, in this life to do. Of course, writing for the majority of people, does not pay the bills and so I was only able to take it up after retirement from teaching. It is a labour of love. There's something magic about seeing the book develop and grow. 

I do think of it as my legacy to the world. I hope that people benefit from reading my work. It is written not only for pure escapism, relaxation or entertainment but to help individuals in their every day lives. All of my books have dramas and creations from every day life scenarios; the problems and to some extent solutions. 

In particular my 'Sofia' trilogy was written to help women through difficult domestic situations. I created Sofia as a character who turns her life around and stands up to her dominating, control-freak, over-powering husband. She creates a 'Self-affirmation' list which she uses as a mantra in order to regain her confidence, the self-confidence which her husband had over a period of time destroyed. She was the mother of his children and his property. He had gradually isolated her from friends and former colleagues until she had become a lonely figure, almost imprisoned in Haslington Towers. She breaks free and it all begins with lipstick!

4. How does my writing process work?

Well, if you've read this far you will not be surprised to read that I start with the ending! 
I will spend a lot of time thinking, plotting, planning, playing with characters and ideas. Eventually, I will write the final chapter or last part leading to the final sentence which will be the book title. The excitement mounts as I approach the last line... the fact that I've about 95,000 words still to right seems to disappear from my mind. It's quite nice knowing what the last words are going to be from the outset.

With the end written it always feels like the battle is won. A great achievement has been accomplished. Now all I have to do is start at the beginning! We all know that the first sentence is make or break for a novel. Those initial words are far more important than the last chapter which is probably why many books are never written. How do you start? When you have the right sentence, the first paragraph and page has to be electric ensuring the reader turns the page or they'll never get to the wonderful ending. Personally, I go with gut feeling, if it flows and feels right, it is right.

So, now I have the end and the beginning, just the 80,000+ words in between to work on. Does it go according to initial planning? No, hardly ever. Characters surprise me by taking on lives of their own and I always go with it which means things will change along the way and parts of my wonderful ending will change as a result of that but I'm always happy with the final outcome.

Passing on the baton:

So I now pass the baton on to another original writer, Lizzie T Leaf,  a lady who is a sensational and spectacular author and shares my own thought that everything needs a few ounces of humour!  I look forward to hearing her answers.

Award winning author, Lizzie T. Leaf started life in Kansas, continued her growing in North Carolina, and currently shivers through the winters in Colorado.   

Since discovering the fun of writing paranormal, she plays with creating vampires, faeries and other immortals. When she needs a touch of reality, her Contemporary Erotic Romances come into play.  

If she’s not creating mischief for paranormal beings, or getting under the covers with her erotic heroes, she can be found exploring the other genres she wants to write.  She also served as the 2012 President for the Heart of Denver Romance Writers and is the 2014 VP of Programs. 

Lizzie loves to read, spend time with her family and travel with her best friend husband during her free time. 

Links: 

www.lizzietleaf.com 

http://lizzietleaf.blogspot.com/ 

https://www.facebook.com/lizzie.t.leaf 

http://twitter.com/lizzietleaf 

http://pinterest.com/lizzietleaf/boards/ 

Lizzie's answers will go up on February 10th.


Dear Lady M! Inspirational?

Love You Forever, Sofia xxxxx

So,